* FRIDAY OCTOBER 11TH 2024 - OUT TO DANCE RELEASE DAY
This is a special one for me. Before I get into the background story, I'd like to thank a lot of friends who helped bring this song to life. For starters, Garrett T. Capps brilliant vision in producing this song, Lucas Oswald for the killer mix, Bill Baird for engineering and his rad mic that made my vocals so warm, my bestie Kory Cook on drums, Odie on bass/vocals and the legendary B.J. Cole (Elton John, Depeche Mode, R.E.M) on pedal steel. Thanks to Scott Langford for directing the video and to ALL my friends that came and volunteered their time to be extras at The Lonesome Rose. It warmed my heart and part of why I love San Antonio.
For those interested in the backstory - Rewind five years. During the fall of 2019, my career was on this exciting upward trajectory in which I was at the beginning of my opera composing career with three of my first immersive operas in three different cities, my first film exhibition, a symphony performing my music in Orlando and I was going to spend a week in Denmark at a castle for a composers workshop. But on the inside I was going through heavy heart ache related to a past relationship that lingered for years. I keep my personal life and feelings pretty close to the vest but after losing 50 lbs and my doctor telling me if I lost any more that it could jeopardize my organs I decided to reach out to my dear friend Shane. His advice was tat I had to sit in my pain and face it. The months ahead were tough. I remember visiting my mom, being in her car as she backed out of her driveway, my sunglasses on, her asking if I was ok and trying hard to nod while holding back tears and then just completely losing it. I still choke up remembering that moment. She stopped the car, put her arms around me and didn't prod. She just told me she loved me and that she would be there for me however I needed.
The beginning of 2020 was met with excitement. While I was still on my healing journey I knew the toughest hurdles were behind me. I felt raw and vulnerable but filled with positivity. Then when the pandemic hit I found myself alone and isolated in my home but I didn't feel pain or loneliness. This is when I knew my journey in the fall was real. With so much time on my hands and no operas to prepare for, I picked up my guitar. I used to play daily for fifteen years and wrote songs all the time for my old bands but now my hands felt paralyzed. I kept playing daily to have fun and that's when some songs started to develop. Out to Dance was my goodbye song. About letting go. Remembering where my heart was, accepting my feelings and not running from them. I choked up as the lyrics came into focus knowing I could channel the past without it sending me into a downward spiral. I wrote a few more songs early in the pandemic. Didn't think much of them but thankfully I demo'd them. The last four years I've been producing operas all over the country but at the end of 2023, I started feeling really burnt out and creatively empty. I came across a hard drive that had those demo's I made during the pandemic. I sent one to Garrett to see if he'd be interested in working with me to record it and I'm so happy he agreed. I wanted to be hands off and let Garrett have room to be creative. There was no rush which worked for both of our busy schedules. Over the spring we talked about the overall sound and approach and eventually went to track at Bill Baird's studio. I realized how much I missed hanging out in the studio. It was so relaxed. Almost the complete opposite of the corporate feel of classical music and the opera world. We didn't use a click and just tracked live a few times. I didn't manipulate my voice like I did in my indie rock days. No overthinking. Over the next few months Garrett added layers of percussion, vocals and got B.J. Cole to play pedal steel.
As a teenager, I used to rush home from school excited to practice guitar and even practice fifteen hours a day every summer but I lost that love when I started composing for films and classical music so it's cool to rediscover it again, even if it's in a small way. Coolest part of it all was getting to hang and become better amigos with Garrett and he's down to record a batch of more of songs in 2025. Check out his music. His new album is amazing.
Here is the video. I wanted to type out the lyrics for you but since this post is already long, you can turn on the closed captions on the video. But I did want to share my two favorite lines from the song because they captured my pre-2020 desire to hold on. "I've got a feeling it's the end; but maybe I wanna fall in love again" & "I know she ain't comin' back; but I'd rather play the fool and be fooled'. I hope you enjoy!
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